Alive and well. . . Maybe

Alive, yes. Well. . . that's harder to answer. It's been 6 months since I've updated this blog and the reason is. . . knowing what I want to say and how to say it has been harder than usual. 6 months in Bolivia, anywhere really, has this way of completely changing your world, your life, your perspective, you. A different you means different feelings and different ways of communicating those feelings. "How is it being back?" "Did you love it?" "Tell me all about it", these are a few of the questions that seem nice and harmless to most, but send me into a spiraling panic. . . sounds weird right? 6 months, in the grand scheme of things, doesn't seem like it would be all that long, but when I'm faced with compressing it down into 'small talk' it feels like an eternity. The faces, the people, the places, the kids. . . it's all too much. All of those things, and so much more were used by God in those 6 months to show me a lifetime of revelations. He showed me things about myself, about His word, His plan and where I fit into it, His people and most importantly, He showed me more of Himself. I realized not only what I can do and what I am capable of, but what I can do in Him and what He can accomplish through me when I step out of the way and let Him. So, am I well? Yes, I feel that I am, what I'm not is comfortable and in all honesty, I kinda love that! It lets me know that standing still is not what God is calling me to, that He is calling me out and waiting for me to respond. So although the first step in my journey has come to an end, I continue to pray, and ask for yours, as I seek the next step God already has planned for me in this beautiful and wonderful adventure called life.
"No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, He may give it to you." -John 15:15-16

April Fools. . . .

Not a "holiday" I enjoy! I've never understood the fun in making someone believe one thing and then making them realize it's really something else. Unfortunately for me, I feel like I'm trapped in the biggest April Fool's joke ever, and can't figure out the punchline. 3 years ago I decided to seriously consider this missions "thing", 2 years ago I decided to quit my job to follow through, 1 year ago I began preparing for a life of missions and 2 months ago I fell in love with a sweet little boy that changed everything. I thought I knew why I was coming to Bolivia, I thought I knew what the purpose of this trip was, I thought I knew what I was ready for. . . but just like He always does, God reminded me, it's not about what I know or want, it's about His plan, His will and His way. So after much prayer, and a deep breathe, I went to the staff of Casa de Amor, as a single woman, and asked about the steps I needed to take towards a Bolivian adoption (you see, the thought of walking away from my sweet boy in 4 short months seemed agonizing and unbearable). Once again I'm in a place where I am facing my desires and wants and God's, and distinguishing the two are much more difficult than I thought. Think of every negative a country could have in the adoption guidelines and I have that here. . . I'm single, I'm American, I'm a volunteer at the orphanage where he lives and I already have a relationship with him. . .all huge red flags for the Bolivian government that cut my approval chances down to less than 50%. So everyday seems a little harder now, a little shorter and I worry a little more about the day when I have to look precious "S" in the face and walk away. I wonder, what am I missing? What lesson or plan is God trying to convey that I keep confusing? What I keep coming back to is this, I don't have to trust the plan, I don't have to trust the situation, I just have to trust Him. He is bigger than this, He is bigger than the hurt I may feel in leaving and He has only His best in store, whatever that may be. If you would, could you pray for me, for baby "S" and his forever family whoever they may be, for the other 29 kids currently in Casa de Amor houses and for all the staff and volunteers that love on these kids and bond and grow attached and then have to leave, may we all be reminded of the greatest love that has been given to us and know that He never fails, He's never late and He ALWAYS provides just what we need, just when we need it!
A few pics of my sweet baby "S", you know, so you can see how adorable he is! :-)

I can't help falling in love. . .

. . .with every single child here! It's hard to believe I'm starting my fourth week here already, that's a month! There is still some major settling in to do, next week I start my Spanish lessons so that I can communicate better with the Bolivian Tia's and the kiddos. Excited and nervous about that all at the same time, my Texas tongue appreciates any and all prayers as I try and master this new language! As for getting around town. . . I'm beginning to think I may never fully grasp the bus/truffi system, but taxi drivers love me! haha! It's a little more expensive, in terms of B's (the currency here) but in terms of dollars is only costing me about $10-$15 a week and it's also much safer than some of the other forms of transportation. Now. . . .back to the kids! Currently I'm working two days at House 1 with 12 babies and two days at House 3 with 5 of the older kids (and The Mitchell's!). Have I mentioned that I love all them yet?! haha! Not that I play favorites, but there is one baby in particular that has stolen my heart. We'll call him Baby "S" , Baby "S" arrived in the world on Feb 12, just 2 days after I arrived in Bolivia. It was a rough start for "S" as his mother tried to smother him right after birth but by God's unfailing grace, she was unsuccessful, I can't help but imagine the HUGE plan and path God already has mapped out for this little guy! If you ever stop by House 1, chances are you will find me holding or loving on "S", I've given serious thought about how I might bring him back with me in 6 months! Through all the homesickness, all the fears, all the struggles with language and transportation and culture it amazes me how holding one of these sweet kids puts everything back in focus, everything about why I'm here, why I left my friends and family seems so clear again. I remember that it all comes back to this, "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." -James 1:27

Me and sweet Baby "S" :-)

Good things come to those that wait. . .

And wait I did, for 3 very long days in the Miami Airport! My trek to Cochabamba began Tuesday Feb 7th as I departed DFW and headed on my way! After a a 3 hour plane ride, God gracing me with a very nice, very helpful seat mate and a mad dash from one end of the airport to the other (with ALL my luggage and said seat mate helping me) I arrived at the gate of my second flight to find out. . . they had closed the flight and I had missed my connection! NOT what I wanted to hear. After a few hours it was decided that the best course of action was to. . . wait it out in Miami until the next flight offered by the airline took off... at 10pm Thurs night! After becoming very familiar with the international terminal in Miami and what felt like a TON of waiting, I was finally on my way! A quick 6 hour flight to Santa Cruz, a stop through customs and one last 45 min flight and I was finally in Cochabamba!! Once I passed through immigration, I saw the best sight I had seen in days. . . familiar faces!!! :-) So thankful for T.J and Tammy Mitchell!!
After a quick stop for a traditional Bolivian breakfast (pastels and api, the jury is still out on the api!) I was headed for my new home for the next 6 months! I was able to meet my roommate, some of the Tia's and then finally. . . the KIDS!!!!! It was without doubt, love at first sight! :-)

A week in and I'm still getting my bearings as far as the city and public transportation goes, still struggling some and learning the language (the kids and tia's are a HUGE help there!) and adjusting to the altitude! Overall I'm loving being with the kids, grateful for built in friendships and encouragement from the Mitchell's and excited about the new friendships to be made with the international volunteers that are here now!  There was lots of waiting. . . but I can already tell there will be lots of reward! Excited for the next 6 months! " Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." -Psalm 27:14

T-Minus 7 days!!

One week, seven days, 168 hours, 10,080 minutes or 604,800 seconds. . . . anyway you look at it, I don't have long before I board a plane and head south for six months! It's funny how over the past week or so, I've had this feeling of,
"Oh my gosh, this is happening SO fast!". . .then I think about it and remember that I've been pursuing this for almost 2 straight years now! I guess it's not quite as fast as it feels! ;-)
What I have been blown away by these last few weeks is just how faithful and amazing God has been to me. That sounds funny, I know. He always shows Himself faithful and amazing so why would that blow me away? The only answer I can come up with is. . . . I'm sinful and human and I forget really easily. God has provided time and time again in these last few weeks, through friends, through supporters, through new and renewed bonds and relationships. He's even showed off a little by supplying some very unexpected but much appreciated "extras" (thanks JL and AL!).
It's been a great reminder that all of this has very little to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with Him, so thank you to everyone who has supported, encouraged, loved and prayed for me these last few weeks! You all mean more to me than I could ever express or show and I look forward to continuing on this journey with you and keeping you updated on all the amazing things that I am confident He will continue to do in Bolivia! My prayer as I leave is an echo of the words in James 2:18 "But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds.' Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds." Praying that my deeds will always be a reflection of my faith, and that my faith will always bring glory to the one and only God.
See ya on the other side!!

Going without Knowing!

Today in my devotion time I read something that brought such comfort and peace, I knew I had to share! As I get closer and closer to my departure date (February 7th as of today!!! Watch out Bolivia I'm on my way!!) I keep hearing the same questions from people around me. . . don't get me wrong, they are good questions, accounatable questions but questions that send me into a mini panick as I start thinking about what the "right" answer should be. The one that for whatever reason I have struggled with the most is "What do you expect to do?". . . . I just never thought "I have no idea" was a very good response. . . until today! This was what I read today, "You do not know what you are going to do; the only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually revise your attitude towards God and see if it is going out of everything, trusting in God entirely. It's this attitude that keeps you in perpertual wonder - you do not know what God is going to do next." WOW! This put a peace in my spirit that calmed all those panicks. As I began to meditate on that and look at the 31 years that lead to today, and more recently the 2 very focused years that lead to this journey, I began to see just how intentional He has been in trying to show me time and time again, that He knows what He is doing and that just because I don't always see the whole picture, my obedience to His voice accomplishes His will. It's overwhelming and humbling to be where I am, to be loved by the Creator of all I see and to be called out for His purpose. My prayer is that I never lose sight of the reality that He knows His plan and that I don't need to. Excited to see what plans He has waiting for me on the ground in Bolivia, excited to be going without knowing!!!