Not a "holiday" I enjoy! I've never understood the fun in making someone believe one thing and then making them realize it's really something else. Unfortunately for me, I feel like I'm trapped in the biggest April Fool's joke ever, and can't figure out the punchline. 3 years ago I decided to seriously consider this missions "thing", 2 years ago I decided to quit my job to follow through, 1 year ago I began preparing for a life of missions and 2 months ago I fell in love with a sweet little boy that changed everything. I thought I knew why I was coming to Bolivia, I thought I knew what the purpose of this trip was, I thought I knew what I was ready for. . . but just like He always does, God reminded me, it's not about what I know or want, it's about His plan, His will and His way. So after much prayer, and a deep breathe, I went to the staff of Casa de Amor, as a single woman, and asked about the steps I needed to take towards a Bolivian adoption (you see, the thought of walking away from my sweet boy in 4 short months seemed agonizing and unbearable). Once again I'm in a place where I am facing my desires and wants and God's, and distinguishing the two are much more difficult than I thought. Think of every negative a country could have in the adoption guidelines and I have that here. . . I'm single, I'm American, I'm a volunteer at the orphanage where he lives and I already have a relationship with him. . .all huge red flags for the Bolivian government that cut my approval chances down to less than 50%. So everyday seems a little harder now, a little shorter and I worry a little more about the day when I have to look precious "S" in the face and walk away. I wonder, what am I missing? What lesson or plan is God trying to convey that I keep confusing? What I keep coming back to is this, I don't have to trust the plan, I don't have to trust the situation, I just have to trust Him. He is bigger than this, He is bigger than the hurt I may feel in leaving and He has only His best in store, whatever that may be. If you would, could you pray for me, for baby "S" and his forever family whoever they may be, for the other 29 kids currently in Casa de Amor houses and for all the staff and volunteers that love on these kids and bond and grow attached and then have to leave, may we all be reminded of the greatest love that has been given to us and know that He never fails, He's never late and He ALWAYS provides just what we need, just when we need it!
A few pics of my sweet baby "S", you know, so you can see how adorable he is! :-)
